American Nihilist Underground Society

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There's a difference between spirituality and religion, as is often noted. Spirituality is a study of all things at once and the "big" reasons for them, or a form of belief in the whole. It cannot be justified and is taken on faith. Religion, on the other hand, is the politics of spirituality, or organizing masses of people to believe the same thing so you can get something done.

Spirituality is something common to the brightest minds among us, even if many are spiritual atheists, and have no need for a God-figure per se. Religion on the other hand is common to the dumbest and rowdiest and most blatantly irritating among us, as well as most of our leaders. Is this to say religion is bad? That's like asking "is food bad" - it depends on the food!

But, having observed that religion deals mostly in trying to beg, plead, cajole people into doing what is sensible instead of what is stupid, and is thus obviously designed for people whose natural course of action is idiotic, I am starting my own religion so that I can reap the fame, profit and scandal of this exciting field.

My religion is the "Church of Astoundingly Obvious Stuff," or ChAOS, and its concept is to take care of those who have no idea what they're doing, where they're going, or why. Don't ask tough question; I've answered them already. Don't question my words; you know they're true, and if you violate them, you're insane. Don't send your money anywhere else but to me.

Ten Commandments of Chaos

  1. Wash yourself. Face first, then ass, if you have only one washrag.
  2. If it smells like feces where you are eating, move.
  3. Don't kill anyone unless God says it's OK.
  4. Screw your neighbor's wife, and he'll kill you, and cost us all money. Don't get caught.
  5. Smoking crack and having group anal sex is probably bad form. What's worse is getting addicted to crack or getting AIDS. Don't get caught.
  6. Brush your teeth. If your toothbrush smells like feces, get a new one.
  7. 7. Do not eat your pets or children.
  8. 8. Stealing is bad unless you have government to say it's OK. Get elected first, then don't get caught.
  9. 9. There shall be no other God but my PO Box, and that's where you send the checks.
  10. 10. If you smell like feces, wash yourself. Face first, then ass.
November 14, 2005