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exponentiation ezine: issue [5.0:news]

American Psychological Association Sleep Study
May 9, 2007

WASHINGTON - The APA has recently completed a survey showing a correlation between technological progress and the average amount of sleep individuals get per night.

The study shows a nearly perfect relationship between the amount of television sets purchased in the 1950's and the average amount of sleep lost per individual after televisions were adopted in most American households. Similar trends were observed in the 1920's with the arrival of radio and in the 1990's with computers. Researchers noted that the decline of sleep can be traced to the Industrial Revolution and the railroad industry, which began the standardized work day of waking up in the early morning for backbreaking work as an expendable peon.

While experts suggest that teenagers from ages 15-19 need between 8 1/2 to 10 hours of sleep a day, reports show that on average teens get a total of 6 and 7 hours. The same holds true for adults, who need around 8-9 hours of sleep for full functionality. This means that there is literally an epidemic of "teenage sleep zombies" and coffee-addicted adults living their lives with a minimum of cognitive awareness and higher levels of stress, anxiety, depression, and impaired judgment. Researchers cited the early waking hours, noisy streets in larger cities, air pollution, over socialization, and depression as the main causes of progress-induced sleep deprivation.

"While it's true that we're getting 3 hours of less sleep than a hundred years ago," Dr. Mendelstein of the American Psychological Association said, "we're also in a much better time period. Losing three hours of sleep is nothing compared to our television, computers, safety, longer life spans, and freedoms." Dr. Mendelstein advises us that science will solve the problem of sleep deprivation in the future. Dr. Mendelstein believes his new book, "Dreams for the Future: Taming Night and Taming Nature," might be the key to a future depreciation of sleep aided by science.

Psychologists recommend getting the appropriate amount of sleep every night to function at full capacity. However, some researchers cautioned against using drugs. Dr. Tom Kaczynski of Harvard University's Psychology department warns, "While sleeping pills may be desirable for restless workers, they withhold REM sleep and remove the purpose of sleep in the first place. It seems you can't fight progress with progress."


Militant Gay Rights Group Vow Retribution
May 15th 2007

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - This morning the 'American Gay Rights Enforcement Army' have released a press statement promising "violent retaliation against civil and governmental bodies." The statement comes following a recent public outcry after eight-year-old Randy Norton, a resident of New York, discovered sexually explicit videos on a newly bought media player purchased from a Crazy Benny Electronics store in Brooklyn last Thursday. The content of the videos reportedly involved numerous homosexual males engaging in lurid acts that have been described by Norton's parents as "perverse", "appalling" and "revolting". The event resulted in public "anti-gay rallies" and religious marches against children being exposed to sexual material.

The official statement from the AGREA read:

"We at AGREA are deeply angered by this collective outcry of disgust from the American public against man-man love!

"We believe what this child witnessed is a thing of beauty and the male homosexual community should not be penalized for this misplaced videotape. Man-man love is a holy embrace and exchange of the masculine qualities. Its acceptance and proliferation in popular culture is the greatest of ideals we hope to achieve in our democratic society. It is every mans right to have sex with other men anywhere and anytime they so chose if it is consensual. It is nobody's right to deny sexual intercourse between two consenting beings be they man-man, man-boy or man-animal.

"These recent oppressions highlight the bigotry ever present in American society, we therefore declare war in the name of our chosen lifestyle. The path to tolerance shall be paved with blood of the oppressors! If it requires violent retaliation against civil and government bodies for our voice to be heard, so be it!

"Until we have the rights to sodomy upheld, no one may sleep safe!"

Tim Norton, Randy Norton's father and a steelworker from Manhattan who is a self confessed "recovering homosexual" had this to say about his sons discovery and the recent AGREA statement.

"It hurts me to say it but for fifteen years I lived as a homosexual man in Queens. I was confused and doing a lot of coke and heroine and I turned to sodomy to lessen my psychological pain. I am not proud of my actions but I am a different man now, I have a beautiful wife and four children with another on the way and I am proud to say my erections when seeing attractive males has drastically reduced in the past six years. I understand homosexual culture having been one for so long and I am appalled by this AGREA statement. It completely undermines the deep psychological pain my son has endured in watching these acts. He has been asking me lewd questions ever since about his genitalia and its purpose! This video has also completely stripped my planned fatherly, "birds and the bees" talk with my son and has introduced him back first to the culture I thought I escaped ten years ago. AGREA should be ashamed for hoping my boy sees more of this. He will already have enough problems if he learns I was once a member of this community!"

A leading commentator on the gay rights movement, Dr. Neusbaum of Harvard University, had this to say about the AGREA statement, "The problem for many years has been a lack of institutionalized integration of gays into the American social, working and educational environment. This failure on behalf of the American Government makes the recent outcry from AGREA more pressing and it highlights our misappropriation of the American homosexual community at large."

With regards to quelling tensions between militant gay rights groups and the American public the Doctor had this to say: "children are the key to our future, through them we may instill and propagate values that may better lead to a future utopia. I believe utopia is possible and is not just the stuff of science fiction. This is why it is of the highest importance that children are exposed to homosexuality in all its diverse forms as early as possible. Acceptance is key for the utopia. The sooner the children learn to tolerate all lifestyles equally, the better."

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