ANUS invades Canada, crushes Crowdist hopes
Royal Mounties preparing hip-hop version of "Kumbaya" and Big Macs
07 02 13 - 19:32
In opposition to global Crowdism and its manifestation in consumerism and a totalitarian society based on socialization, an offshoot of the American Nihilist Underground Society (ANUS) attacked a pacifistic Canadian university with propaganda against social control.
The group calling itself "Citizens Against Utilitarian Socialization" struck in the early hours of the morning by distributing flyers and in multiple locations on the slumbering campus. Despite the unspoken policy of Canadian universities that no reality-based organizations or opinions can stand, because they clash with the social control opinion that sensations and subjective feelings are more real than reality itself, the activist group corrupted the facade of universalism right under the noses of the authoritarians themselves.
Angry students gathered to protest the assault on their sacred illusions. "How dare they come in here and criticize us? We're fighting for freedom for the whole world, whether it wants it or not. We bring enlightenment and compassion because we are educated. What kind of an ignorant, primal, inbred, bigoted and socially backward person would ever oppose us?" said Christy Heddington, twirling her dreadlocks while fingering a crisp copy of Das Kapital.
The university is reported mobilizing a "crisis team" of grief couselors, diversity advisers, sexual therapists, Leninist economists, socialist theorists, emo kids, television connoisseurs, McDonald's and Coca-Cola executives, mystery shoppers and postmodern thinkers to counteract the "wave of hatred and ambiguity that has enveloped our community. Local news stations have stationed vans at the school entrance in case any disillusioned students upon suddenly realizing that their society has taken a wrong path to self-destruction, will then commit suicide in emotional agony.
"This is a glorious day for our revolution against the Revolution," said ANUS psychic commando Vijay Prozak. "Not only have our enemies seen that their facade of universal acceptance of permissiveness and lack of standards and values is false, but we have also forced them into logical contradiction as they object to our interpretation of freedom, truth, justice and compassion in more realistic ways than they have."
According to Prozak, modernity is a giant sidestep of reality and a path to doom for the human species. "Our ideas are based on the consequences of actions, and studying reality to pick optimal choices," he said. "Crowdists are based on the idea that every individual wants to escape reality and be responsible only to their own pleasures, so Crowdists form a political movement around the idea that everyone gets that choice. However, if even one person points out that their ideas are illogical and contradict reality, or even worse that they lead inevitably to misery, the Crowdists lose their image of being moral and universally accepted."
As a candlelight vigil began for the community split by disagreement with their definition of "hatred" and "love," a vast wail of existential despair rose from the campus. Soon the only motion was from ANUS flyers flapping in the breeze as the students, faculty and staff descended into a moral and emotional abyss from which no escape is possible.
twelve comments
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