28 12 11 - 04:24Every now and then, realism intrudes from an unexpected source:
You ask people what are the factors that influence their attraction to someone and they think in terms of body type, appearance and personal traits. But the circumstances and the context in which we live play an enormous role in who we are attracted to.
Proximity is first and foremost. Whether we are talking about romantic relationships or our close friends, most of us would have very different intimate relationships if we had gone to a different college, worked in a different building, lived in a different apartment or joined a different gym. Similarity is another one. There is this âopposites attractâ theory but there is not a lot of support for it scientifically. Similarity seems to influence who we end up with both in terms of similar interests and backgrounds, but also similar appearance level and similar physical characteristics. If we look at online dating, people donât just send emails to the most attractive profiles. Instead, people who are highly attractive tend to send emails to other folks who are highly attractive. People who are more moderate in their levels of objectively rated attraction tend to send more emails to other people who are in that moderate level. Itâs like we have an implicit sense of who is âin my league.â Similarity and proximity are hugely important, but Iâve actually gotten booed before in class when Iâve said that. People think that conclusion renders love less real and meaningful, but thatâs not what Iâm arguing. - Salon
People find others like them so that they can be more like themselves. Or in other terms, to evolve into being a higher level of what they are.