24 07 10 - 10:04Have you ever wondered what life must be like if you pretended to be retarded? It seems like the perfect way to deal with modern humans to me.
Imagine this: you're walking through a park, relaxing and enjoying whatever graceful beauty a park in the middle of a polluted city or town can offer. Then suddenly behind some trees you notice a modern human coming near! She's wearing a pink and grey jogging suit, is about 15-30 kilos overweight and is listening to Joan Osborne on her ipod. She's clumsily jogging in your direction, you can already hear her heavy breathing disturbing the tranquility in the air -- yet it's not too late! She hasn't noticed you yet!
Quickly you bend forward slightly and tilt your head a little to the left, you open your mouth and flex the muscles in your face to look as retarded as possible. She's now just a few meters away from you, her eyes cross yours â there's contact! Now comes the moment! She lifts her right hand and waves it at your direction. "Hello" she says as she passes you. Then just when she's behind you you turn around and call out "HHNNUUHHH!!"
She looks back at you and smiles, then nearly stumbles over a branch that she didn't see because she was busy being nice to the retard. With her face forward again she continues her jogging. You too continue your walk, content in the knowledge that you've fooled yet another of the modernized monkeys. You drop the retard act until another modern human comes near.
Seems great doesn't it? Besides avoiding contact with undesirables you could make them uncomfortable by wildly staring at them if they stay too long in your vicinity, even bite them or just spit at them. Maybe get a wheelchair to boot and annoy the hell out of people who are waiting in line at supermarkets by taking as much time as possible when paying for your candy bar. Hey you're retarded: the modern world is wide open for you!
Walk into the ladies restroom and urinate in the sink, chances are you'll get away with it because after all, you're retarded. Block the top of the escalator with your wheelchair, cause disturbances at speeches of politicians, smear ketchup and mayonnaise all over the McDonalds playground! Cause chaos by becoming a retard terrorist! HHNNUUHHH!!! - Umbrage