Thread of the stupid

23 06 11 - 05:26

Metal has always had a dual nature. Part of it wants to be epic soundtracks that transport us away; part of it wants to be rockin' party tunes.

Metal is both Ennio Morricone and Spinal Tap. At the same time.

While much of the rock-n-roll influence can be blamed on moron magnets like Deep Purple and Led Zeppelin, or even the doofus metal writers who insist that metal began with The Who and Cream, a lot of the blame needs to fall on Black Sabbath as well, although they almost escaped. When their songs fail, it's usually because they gave up on creating some kind of mood and went for more warmed-over rock music vapidity.

You can see this thread of rock-n-roll -- jaunty, bouncy, offbeat, ironic, pentatonic, simplistic -- running all the way through metal. It's like a congenital trait marring a family line. Among other things, it's easy to tell because rock-n-roll is exclusively on the surface. It tells you what it's thinking and what you should think; it may be cryptic, but there's never another level of interpretation. It's made for mass consumption.

Metal at its best is more something you absorb, then intuit meaning from. It tends to be chaotic, using chromatic scales as its base for ultimately melodic and rhythmic freedom, but then trades away that freedom when it makes the ongoing narrative of song structure trump all else. It is both anarchistic and the anti-anarchistic in that it insists on reality. It's not about personal drama, love affairs and how you feel after some trivial event. It's about the breadth of existence, the big picture, and how interesting life is if we just quit that personal drama.

But the thread of dumb bouncy music remains. What do these have in common?



All of the above are basially rock albums using metal technique. These don't expand your mind; they put it into the rock mode of personal drama, bouncy drums, familiar and yet not really exciting pentatonic noodling. Since the music is unexceptional, the aesthetic must be powerful: they trick out their music by playing it at different speeds, adding weird instrumentation, adding weird imagery, and the like. But it's not really musically different. Baroness is closer to Hootie and the Blowfish and the Dave Matthews band than metal; Gojira is closer to Fugazi and Mudhoney than metal; The Haunted and Pantera are closer to Biohazard and Sick of It All than metal.

Do we ever get bored of this? The audience for it obviously does not, but they pass by so quickly.

The lifetimer metal fan is a better bet if you're a band. Make seven quality albums and metalheads will buy them for the rest of your life.

It's better than taking a one-time lump sum by recording your five sold-out metal-flavored rock albums, and being forgotten by your witless fans within two years.

169 comments

brutal slayer of christians, noble hessian warrior of death

I vandalized my local church by spraying the lyrics to Kingdom Gone all over the entrance. It was pretty cool, fucking christian scum.

brutal slayer of christians, noble hessian warrior of death - 23-06-’11 06:29
give it a rest, housepies

“All of the above are basially rock albums using metal technique.”

Sorry, this is supposed to be a bad thing, how exactly?

Pantera – Far Beyond Driven

Yeah, everyone agrees Cowboys From Hell and Vulgar Display of Power are the classics, I’m sure Prozak keeps those in his mom’s Mazda. LOL YAY GO TEXAS METAL!!

give it a rest, housepies - 23-06-’11 06:52
your taste is shit

At the Gates – Slaughter of the Soul

Their only good album. It’s also more of a thrash metal album with an extra dose of melody and melancholy. This is the only musical and listenable thing they’ve ever created, everything else was shit and failed experiments.

your taste is shit - 23-06-’11 06:53
Rico

That’s great dear DLA writers but you’re forgetting that shitty poser metal is the kind of music everyone on this site (besides trolls and haters) already knows it’s crap. There is a fair amount of metal albums that flew under the radar back in the day and we continue to ignore those albums because since “they’re not the best of” then they should be ignored. Why not give those albums a footnote, at least?

Death and Black Metal cira 1990-1994.
For instance: Necropsy (fin), Morgoth, Dr. Shrinker, Abhorer, Funebre (fin), Rippikoulu, Nirvana 2002, Crematory (swe), Viogression, Abhoth, Accidental Suicide etc. And for black metal: Obscurity (swe), Sadistik Exekution, Root, Tör, Mystifier, Bestial Summoning, Goatpenis, The Black, Agatus, Primigenium, Zephyrous, Betial Warlust etc.

All these albums from 1986-1994, I’m not saying they are all hidden gems, many of these bands might be mediocre and rightfully forgotten, but my point is that the metal connoiseur already knows Gojira is crap but might not know that obscure lost demo band that surprisingly made quality music but never made it big. You catch my drift. No one, I repeat no one on the internet except some scattered blogs unearths those obscure bands/albums and I think the DLA could find fresh ground there to write about metal again.

Rico - 23-06-’11 06:59
Dominating Fucker

@ your taste is shit
That’s because you don’t like metal, you like rock n roll disguised as metal and dumbed down to your lower IQ level, so you can understand it without getting that itch to go back to your indie rock albums and ramm random objects up your rectum! Go back to your pop music you retarded emo-faggot! Fuck your mother too bitch!!!!

Dominating Fucker - 23-06-’11 07:04
Metal connoiseur, lol what irony

“All these albums from 1986-1994, I’m not saying they are all hidden gems, many of these bands might be mediocre and rightfully forgotten, but my point is that the metal connoiseur already knows Gojira is crap but might not know that obscure lost demo band that surprisingly made quality music but never made it big.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHA

HA.

Gojira is miles better than your redneck metal like Dr. Shrinker and Swedish high schooler bands.

Metal connoiseur, lol what irony - 23-06-’11 07:05
Metal connoiseur, lol what irony

Disregard that, I suck cocks since my daddy raped my anus. sob sob

Metal connoiseur, lol what irony - 23-06-’11 07:20
blaumph!

lol Dominated Fucker still here making an ass of himself, I seriously hope that’s a troll because if you’re putting up that persona non-ironically you are a mental pygmy and a sad, sad little kid.

blaumph! - 23-06-’11 07:22
and his dad abuses him sexually, ajajaja

also Dominated Faggot is either mexican or from some shitty slav country, not quite sure yet

and his dad abuses him sexually, ajajaja - 23-06-’11 07:23
ddd

How do you know?

ddd - 23-06-’11 07:25
juanito gonzales = dominated faggot

Because of his clearly subhuman intellect and ape-like disposition. Also his mom told me between gulps of my cum.

juanito gonzales = dominated faggot - 23-06-’11 07:30
Sean Culroy

@Metal connoiseur, lol what irony
sorry mate but if you think gojira is better than the mighty dr shrinker than you’re on the wrong wrong website mate. early death metal is awesome because its brutal, dark and evil without even trying to be mate. gojira is very commercial i say, sound a bit gay even if i may say so. bland and commercial that is mate. don’t pretend to be a metalhead because no one will believe you, come out of the closet mate, if you’re gay accept it and move on with your life.

Sean Culroy - 23-06-’11 07:32
Sorry :(

1.) Don’t ever disrespect Black Sabbath. What do you expect from a proto-metal band but to be linked to rock. That was needed in order to evolve to a heavy/doom metal band.

2.) Obviously, Brett Stevens/DLA/Vijay/whatever……has never listened to Mastodon. “Leviathan” is pure metal. Yeah sure, it has rock derivatives but the album is pure metal. It’s hard to even classify it under any specific subgenre.

Yeah, they’ve pretty much sold out at this point but their early work beats a majority of death metal bands here in the archives.

Sorry :( - 23-06-’11 07:35
Metal Connoiseur

You faggots, everyone knows Power Metal is the best Pantera album. Where else can you hear masterpieces like this? Surely not from some shitty aspie clown band like Burzum.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUKneC71HDI

Metal Connoiseur - 23-06-’11 07:36
death metal = garbage, sean culroy = boorish homosexual

Stop calling me “mate”, no I will not have intercourse with you or mate with you.

“because its brutal, dark and evil “

Clearly things every mature music fan cares about.

“without even trying to be”

More like while trying WAAAAY too hard. lol @ those inverted crosses and other immature shit.

“the mighty dr shrinker”

I think you’re the only person to have ever referred to this third rate outfit in a bottom-tier music genre as “mighty”, other than the denizens of some Ohio trailer park.

death metal = garbage, sean culroy = boorish homosexual - 23-06-’11 07:36
DAVE MUSTAINE

I SECOND WHAT RICO SUGGESTED, HE HAS A VALID POINT.

DAVE MUSTAINE - 23-06-’11 07:37
Dominating Fucker

@ metal = garbage, sean culroy = boorish homosexual

Ok you piece of shit, that’s it, I know I hurt your mother’s ass last time I had a piece of that action but that’s not a reason to say I’m mexican, I’m from Poland u fuckhead,, you’re still a fucking retarded homosexual hipster! Mastodon is the worst hipster band ever, they play faggot rock for downsyndrome morons with short attention spans and gaping rectums hungry for fat nigger cock. just like your stupid heroine addicted mother that made a fatal mistake at letting her cunt be flooded with jizz…then she pumped you out and decided you’d listen to crap rock disguised as metal. Fuck your mother asshole!!

Dominating Fucker - 23-06-’11 07:46
@Dominating man-ass fucker

Poland fuckers are generally retarded. Just look at Rob Darken. He still wears knight armor. That’s pretty fuckin’ faggy. Are you like him Dommy fucker.

@Dominating man-ass fucker - 23-06-’11 07:52
tiny midget

quit all you guys, stop this madness of behold the wrath of my tiny fists! dominating fucker, stop acting like my son Levy_Spearmen, you other guy with no name, please continue being a poser elsewhere. can’t you see you are acting like kids?

tiny midget - 23-06-’11 07:58
@tiny midget

Please feel free to walk in the direction of my cock and commence opening your mouth wide to suck it. There’s no need to get on your knees or anything. You’re too short. So give me pleasure, that’s all I ask of you.

@tiny midget - 23-06-’11 08:04
Dominating Fucker

I am Rob Darken you retarded hipster fag! And I’ll tell you this, there’s nothing like the sight of your slutty mother’s creamed up pussy! I slide it in with almost no effort. I should behead the worthless bitch, take a picture and send it to your fucking grandma. I’ll think about it.

Dominating Fucker - 23-06-’11 08:05
DeathtotheWorld.com

Some good old bands

MUTILATOR
EXPLICIT HATE
FLAMES (Greece)
CADAVER
MASTER’S HAMMER
EUCHARIST
AZAGTHOTH (UK)
DORSAL ATLANTICA
HELLWITCH
OPPROBRIUM (once INCUBUS)
WINTER
IMPERATOR
ORDER FROM CHAOS
NEKROHOLOCAUST
IMPETIGO
DEAD WORLD

DeathtotheWorld.com - 23-06-’11 08:07
AncientFaith.com

THE PAST IS ALIVE
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?p=PL4AFFC27EF7BE4A46

AncientFaith.com - 23-06-’11 08:11
Rico

@DeathtotheWorld.com
I hear you bro, but many of the bands you mention have already been discussed on the Metal Hall or on older versions of the DLA and can be traced through the search engine. But I think we agree many more bands should be reviewed (except for Incubus, they’re Christian) and you know this site won’t accept Christian bands. More suggestions:
Afterlife (usa), Impaler (gbr), Desecrator (gbr), Coprophilia (fin), Disastrous Murmur, Convulse (fin), Excruciating Pain, Cemetery, Mordicus, Derketa, Maimed, MegaSlaughter, ExMortis, Crucifix (usa), Eulogy (usa), Chemical Breath, Hazael, Wombbath, Goddefied, Demented Ted, Wings (fin), Insanity, Pavor, Tsjuder.

Man so many cool bands out there that are hidden. I think there’s so much awesome metal that could be reviewd on this site!

Rico - 23-06-’11 08:25
Rob Darken = fag

If this is really Rob Darken, then I must say your music is brilliant but you’re seriously a closet homo or you’re outright gay (I can’t tell by your attire)

Also, you’re on a metal blog with other homosexuals so I think that solidifies it.

Rob Darken = fag - 23-06-’11 08:41
you're an idiot and a poser, you were abused as a child, you suck cocks

@Rob Darken = fag
man just go away and listen to your Mastodon shit, you think you like metal but you don’t, you’re a fag and a poser… of all the metal websites why’d you chose to come to this one? go suck on your mother’s dick. you are a retard.

you're an idiot and a poser, you were abused as a child, you suck cocks - 23-06-’11 08:46
To the fag above me

Because I like metal and I like uranus. Two reasons I can give you fag.

To the fag above me - 23-06-’11 08:48
I only speak the truth

Mastodon first two albums were equally (if not better) as good as majority of what’s on DLA. Honestly.

I only speak the truth - 23-06-’11 08:49
I only speak the truth

Disregard that, I’m just a retarded teen faggot and I am frustrated because my penis is too small. if only it was bigger, at least the size of tiny midget (sighs).

I only speak the truth - 23-06-’11 09:04
I only speak the truth

Don’t disregard that. God! It’s one of those days! I need to take my medication. Anyway, Rob Darkskin is a fag, Tiny Midget is a perfect candidate height wise for gloryhole porn and Mastodon is pretty fuckin’ good.

I only speak the truth - 23-06-’11 09:10
Dr. Shrinker

no one cares about mastodon at this site, even if it’s as good as the DLA band selection. why bother trying to tell metalheads about your favorite band? also you keep telling everyone “fag”, yet your requested fellation from tiny midget, isn’t that homosexual behavior? Dominating Fucker keeps saying he likes your mom’s cunt so I don’t think he’s a fag, at least compared to you. You are seriously stupid and I think the only reason you like Mastodon is because you’re a fucking she-male looking for young fresh cock!

Dr. Shrinker - 23-06-’11 09:11
Please don't say the

TWO BIG BANDS OF 30-40 SMALL BANDS

Please don't say the "c" word - 23-06-’11 09:11
I only speak the truth

I AM AN IDIOT THAT HATES METAL BUT I AM A POSER AND A SHEMALE- juanito gonzalez

I only speak the truth - 23-06-’11 09:13
Mecos

Mastodon is hipster metal for idiotic homosexuals. So bend over and allow shemales to ride your asshole

Here is the proof:

http://www.examiner.com/metal-music-in-houston/hipster-metal

Mecos - 23-06-’11 09:25
:)

“legit metal bands who get any coverage in Spin magazine (Mastodon, High on Fire). – Noisecreep”

That’s all that needs to be said from that article.

:) - 23-06-’11 09:44
I only speak the truth

Yes, I am a she-male who has had sex with Dr. Shrinker.

I only speak the truth - 23-06-’11 09:47
poopstains

Metal is shit. Noise rock is where it’s at.

poopstains - 23-06-’11 11:11
poopstains

Swans >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Emperor

poopstains - 23-06-’11 11:11
Negru_Choda

I’d just like to say that the worst, most forgettable rock song by Black Sabbath is better than anything by IMPETIGO and NUM SKULL.

Negru_Choda - 23-06-’11 11:17
Horny Granny

I just wanna say that Mastodon is an idiotic band as artistically serious as Pokemon. It’s appealing to morons and hipsters because it panders to their wounded inferiority complex. Fans of this band are there for late night anal sexual abuse.

Horny Granny - 23-06-’11 13:36
brutal slayer of christians, noble hessian warrior of death

Negruvoda is a fucking faggot with shit taste in metal.

THIS IS METAL. THIS IS REAL MUSIC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LbyO5QRMLg

brutal slayer of christians, noble hessian warrior of death - 23-06-’11 14:00
Questioner of Faith

@ brutal slayer of christians, noble hessian warrior of death

Hey dude, what’s your quarrel with that Negruvoda guy, he doesn’t even post here anymore? The newest fag-hater is the abouve guy that doesn’t have a name; he is a regular idiot that talks shit about metal. What’s so aggravating about the Negruvoda fellow?

Questioner of Faith - 23-06-’11 14:13
Kontinual

We’ve updated the Heavy Metal FAQ with new information and clearer articulation of the beliefs behind metal music. Our basic belief is that heavy metal art is that espouses the anti-civilizing principle in order to keep civilization from becoming a cancer. Check it out and let us know what you think.

Kontinual - 23-06-’11 14:23
The truth has spoken

I think no one cares, also you’re an idiot.

The truth has spoken - 23-06-’11 15:18
queerhammer

lol Dominated Faggot is from Poo-land, who called it that he’s just some inbred oligophrenic slav? lol enjoy your inferior genetics and shit music, you dumb 12 year old

queerhammer - 23-06-’11 15:37
Urinal Hammer

I can’t believe that someone actually said that Slaughter of the Soul is a good album. I don’t like any At The Gates, but that album in particular is really fucking bad. It’s emotive ear candy and rock riffs. Excuse me, now, I have to go hurt the feelings of a power-metal fan while enjoying Autopsy – Mental Funeral.

Urinal Hammer - 23-06-’11 15:42
@Questioner of Faith

Negru Voda posts at least 90% of the comments here, he just constantly changes his name.

@Questioner of Faith - 23-06-’11 15:50
Butcher

>It’s emotive ear candy and rock riffs.

BAWWWWWWWWW, masochistic metal faggot teen too much of an aspie to enjoy music that actually sounds good? Go kill yourself, worm, you’re already a failed experiment in inbreeding.

Butcher - 23-06-’11 16:15
Butcher

Disregard that, I’m just upset because I haven’t been able to find anyone to go down on my gaping hole in the past 24 hours. If anyone knows of any hot thugs in the San Francisco area who love to pound whitey’s hole, please hook me up!

Butcher - 23-06-’11 16:42
Metal Nigger

Mastodon is shitty ‘groovy’ metalcore for effete homosexual nerds who get bullied at school and beg their daddy not give them another load of hot jizz up their rectums. It’s rock’n‘roll that sounds like The Beatles played in an elevator muzak style for liberals who are afraid of the traditional metal aesthetic. If you listen to them, go fuck your mother and suck your brother’s dick, you repulsive cunt.

Metal Nigger - 23-06-’11 16:50
if you're riding in your chevy and you feel something heavy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=labytsb3gfI

wow SO much better than order from chaos’s version!!! party ova here yall!!!

if you're riding in your chevy and you feel something heavy - 23-06-’11 16:54
Butcher

Hell yeah, so groovy and they have cool beards and clowns in their video! Anyone who doesn’t like this music is a complete aspie teenage antisocial faggot with zits.

Butcher - 23-06-’11 16:59
Metal Nigger

Actually I love Mastodon and I actually suck off the members of Averse Sefira in my spare time.

Metal Nigger - 23-06-’11 17:15
Kelly

Is it just me or is it happening to everyone when you try to use the anus search engine you get the following message:

We’re sorry…
… but your computer or network may be sending automated queries. To protect our users, we can’t process your request right now.

See Google Help for more information.

Kelly - 23-06-’11 17:19
Anti-Metaltards

“effete homosexual nerds who get bullied at school and beg their daddy not give them another load of hot jizz up their rectums”

anus readership in a nutshell.

“afraid of the traditional metal aesthetic”

That’s like saying “afraid of the pro wrestler aesthetic”. Metal, especially the greasy hesher garbage promoted here, is about as scary, serious, deep and homosexual as professional wrestling. I’m sure when you see 14 year old kids take black and white photos of themselves in clown makeup it’s frightening, captivating and transcendental or somesuch bullshit to you pea-brains, for the rest of us functional individuals it’s utterly retarded like the vapid excuse for “music” that accompanies it.

Oh, and rock music > fag metal, any day. That Mastodon song is the shit, by the way, that’s how you craft something that really has POWER. Not like the repetitive, monotonous wishy washy pointless treble abuse you queers circle jerk over because some fat virgin cyberbullied you on the internet and said it was good. You make me fucking sick, I spit on you and your HIV-ridden graves.

Anti-Metaltards - 23-06-’11 18:09
dumb inbred polak with a brow ridge, broadcasting from his parents apartment in a depressing soviet high-rise

hurrr durrr ur moms gaping pizdahole

dumb inbred polak with a brow ridge, broadcasting from his parents apartment in a depressing soviet high-rise - 23-06-’11 18:11
http://www.metalfan.ro

And for those of you idiots who didn’t quite get it:

GOOD At the Gates:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6I2pSp9A86o

lulzy terribad At the Gaytes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlRSIFnV-FY

lol look how “deep” he tries to be in that video over an awful, awful turd of a song.

http://www.metalfan.ro - 23-06-’11 18:14
homersexual

can we have moar underground metal stuff?

homersexual - 23-06-’11 18:15
The Master

Sure, here’s some great underground metal band worth checking out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zTNcwgIfuE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PG9sqjUWvZc#t=0m15s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJKYRpEYnf8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj2lXOAC_aA

The Master - 23-06-’11 18:22
The Master

Two more great underground bands:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zU9G6Dum4Ks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfPqd3Q8tPc

The Master - 23-06-’11 18:24
Urinal Hammer

Question for ANUS detractors:

What is ‘mature’ music? What is a ‘mature’ aesthetic? What do kind of music and ideas do ‘functional’ individuals listen to?

I notice that die-hard antagonists of ANUS.com usually offer criticism designed to make ANUS ideas look comical, but never propose alternatives.

Urinal Hammer - 23-06-’11 18:38
Lightning

Q: If ANUS is so fail/gay/irrelevant, why is the troll reading this comment right now emotionally compelled to respond to these blog posts?

A: Because the troll reading this comment right now does not want ANUS.com propositions to be true. They do not want it to be true that there is beauty and meaning in the forms of music praised by this site.

Q: Why does the troll reading this comment not want there to be validity in ANUS.com assertions?

A: I can only think of two reasons. The first is that when they listen to black/death metal, and fail to have the kind of experience of this music which ANUS.com writers and readers have in common, they feel like they are excluded from something. In the mind of this kind of person, the only way they can retain their sense of personal esteem and importance is to claim that there is nothing of value outside their own realm of experience. The second reason why they might be bothered by ANUS.com is because they network of ideas/aesthetics inherently suggested by death/black metal is inimical to their own values/sensibilities; thus, it IS on some level threatening that people in their own broad peer group are inspired and motivated by this kind of music and make the kind of intellectual connections between art and idea that are made on this site….

And of course, even the stupidest asshole in the world understands that the most expedient way of trying to damage an idea is to not to engage it directly with logic and questioning, but to draw a parody of it. Thus we have the spam crusade in the comments section.

Lightning - 23-06-’11 18:47
Der Meister

Plenty of examples have been posted, it’s up to you to listen and figure it out, posing scum.

Incidentally, here’s a good metal song about every angsty 13 year old’s favourite (and the favourite of aspies who are, embarrassingly, much older) German writer, Friedrich Nietzsche!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrzm7C2cdb0

Der Meister - 23-06-’11 18:47
@Negruvoda

I’d actually love to talk to you about “traditional culture” some time, because you’ve made numerous references to it. I tried to engage you in discussion on last.fm, but you ignored me. Maybe next time?

@Negruvoda - 23-06-’11 18:50
clown paint metal

: If ICP is so fail/gay/irrelevant, why is the troll reading this comment right now emotionally compelled to respond to these blog posts?

A: Because the troll reading this comment right now does not want Insane Clown Posse’s propositions to be true. They do not want it to be true that there is beauty and meaning in the forms of music praised by Psychpathic Records.

Q: Why does the troll reading this comment not want there to be validity in ICP assertions?

A: I can only think of two reasons. The first is that when they listen to Insane Clown Posse, and fail to have the kind of experience of this music which juggalos have in common, they feel like they are excluded from something. In the mind of this kind of person, the only way they can retain their sense of personal esteem and importance is to claim that there is nothing of value outside their own realm of experience. The second reason why they might be bothered by ICP is because they network of ideas/aesthetics inherently suggested by The Great Milenko is inimical to their own values/sensibilities; thus, it IS on some level threatening that people in their own broad peer group are inspired and motivated by this kind of music and make the kind of intellectual connections between art and idea that are made on Insane Clown Posse records.

And of course, even the stupidest asshole in the world understands that the most expedient way of trying to damage an idea is to not to engage it directly with logic and questioning, but to draw a parody of it. Thus we have the spam crusade in the comments section.

clown paint metal - 23-06-’11 18:53
@ Der Meister

I actually do like some Blind Guardian, but I find that many of their songs are overburdened by numerous guitar solos and too many melodic shifts. Where a crowded, noisy atmosphere sometimes works in death metal, giving it a winding, mazelike, abrasive quality which is a positive expression of the basic aesthetic idea, I don’t think that it works very well in power metal. Don’t you agree?

Incidentally, do you ever think it’s kind of silly that you, as a fan of power-metal, are dismissing the whole of death/black metal as “immature” music for social rejects….. when mainstream society lumps black, death, and power metal together as adolescent noise? It kind of sounds, to me, like you’ve internalized society’s view of the music that you love, but you’re projecting it on to other people.

I could be wrong, though.

@ Der Meister - 23-06-’11 18:53
NV

“Traditional culture” is a waste of time save for as a form of entertainment (e.g. in music) and dress-up, it’s just a bunch of peasant shit. It basically boils down to art (music, aesthetic art, ceramics, sculpture/carving, costumes, interior decor, dances, poetry, festivals and celebrations, and I guess rural way of life) but mostly it’s pretty useless. Better to focus on your own goals and wonder what it felt like to be Caesar and wake up every day with decisions to make that shaped an empire than listen to the prattling of dumb ‘murrifats who listen to shit music made by ignorant lowlife potheads who try to express how mad and emo they are at the world for being excluded from the poewr process through their stupid noise. Did you PM me, I haven’t logged on last.fm in ages.

NV - 23-06-’11 18:58
Mikael Asskerplunkfeldtgoodthefirst time

Blind Guardian is too busy. They need to slow down and get in touch with their inner femasculinity.

Mikael Asskerplunkfeldtgoodthefirst time (Email ) - 23-06-’11 19:02
Lightning

What is a better way to reach you than at last.fm?

I disagree with your comments about traditional culture. I agree that all of the peasant crap you described is a waste of time, but I don’t think that’s the heart of “traditional culture”; I think that the heart of “traditional culture” has more to do with imagining what it might have been like to be Caesar. Which is why it’s continuous and relevant now (and always), and not just some kind of historical live-action-roleplay crap.

Anyway, you realize, of course, that even this very romantic idea you just expressed, about imagining what it was like to be Caesar, could be lampooned in exactly the same fashion you lampoon this website?

HUR HUR, IMPOTENT DO-NOTHINGS DAYDREAMING ABOUT POWER THEY NEVER WILL HAVE WHILE ENJOYING SOULFUL POWERMETAL GUITAR SOLOS

Assclownery is double-edged and universally applicable.

What’s a better way to reach you than last.fm?

Lightning - 23-06-’11 19:04
stacey morgan

all hail the new morbid angel. i always throw up suburban white girl gang signs when i blast this shit in my mom’s suv

stacey morgan - 23-06-’11 19:10
The Master

almost forgot these classics

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsKO_r76kfQ&feature=fvst

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQy-8INUfRA

The Master - 23-06-’11 19:12
Some black metal landwhale ('twas a she) told me that Children of Bodom sound like video game music in an attempt to mock them. I find that ironic, since video game music (e.g. Rome: Total War soundtrack) is leagues better than anything produced in the metal world. What a shitty human being that was.

I don’t find that about Blind Guardian at all, maybe there’s “too many notes” for your low musical IQ, atrophied from years of abuse at the unisono of death metal, to handle. I have many complaints about them each specific to a different era of theirs (2/4 drumming on Imaginations, too many minor key songs, on record Hansi rarely sings without “heat” on his voice) but overall they’re a pretty choice band, you really can’t do any better in metal. The melodic shifts are a bonanza for me, they just keep givin’ er with good melody after good melody. I’m not actually that passionate about them as I was in my teens but I still enjoy them as music when I’m pissed off (all metal, I’ve found, is at least so some extent negative. there is no positive metal. none.) or need a waking up. For the most part Power Metal blows ass though, it has the right idea but the execution usually fails and what you end up with is a lot of tedious soundalike stuff that doesn’t sound very imaginative. I don’t think anyone who’s aware of power metal could lump it together with the “dress up in clown paint and cut your wrists GOR GOR GOR” metal. Ever notice how most of the bands involved in Power Metal look mostly normal (save for maybe some distinguishing feature like long hair or bad [yet “normal”] sense of dress) and are usually much older? The instrumental virtuosity, lyrical subject matter, usually “serious” un-ironic approach they take to their music, emphasis on trying to figure out songs that work melodically and harmonically instead of just lumping a bunch of chugs together, and the more muted approach that has nothing to prove but is just “heavy enough” all suggest a more mature approach than anything in the slapped-together XTREEM genres. Lost Horizon’s the perfect example of this; after the members of Luciferion got bored they sort of grew up they went on to make some pretty good power metal in Lost Horizon.

The Caesar thing wasn’t about power tripping but more about the responsibility he had to take, you know that guy wasn’t goofing around and sitting on his ass taking drugs, listening to gay metal and whining on the internet about the decline of civilization, no, he couldn’t afford to fuck around or Pompey would have had his ass. I don’t see what’s so “traditional” about that. Best place to contact me is here, /mu/ or last.fm.

Some black metal landwhale ('twas a she) told me that Children of Bodom sound like video game music in an attempt to mock them. I find that ironic, since video game music (e.g. Rome: Total War soundtrack) is leagues better than anything produced in the metal world. What a shitty human being that was. - 23-06-’11 19:21
Anyone else reminded of Blod Draum by this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLDWsunkloU

A black metal masterpiece

Anyone else reminded of Blod Draum by this? - 23-06-’11 19:26
the south park approach

You’re all tryhard losers. The trolls and the trolls pretending to be trolls.

the south park approach - 23-06-’11 19:28
Lighting

@ Negruvoda

I understood that the “Caesar thing” wasn’t about power tripping; it was about a person fully engaging reality by embracing their responsibilities and going far beyond them.

I’m just trying to point out that the sneering, cynical style of trolling by caricature could equally be applied to that; or really anything.

What I find is that you people who ‘troll’ ANUS or have a strong negative opinion about the site actually possess the characteristics that you attribute to the writers and readers of this site: arbitrariness, emotionality, dishonesty. I mean, look: you’re ranting about how all metal is negative and angry, and just confessed that in your teens you listened to it as angry ‘pump up’ music.

But that isn’t how I experience it. Even the harshest, darkest metal sounds, to my ears, like its intensity and aggression stems not from a sense of frustration, but elation. It sounds ecstatic. I’m not alone in this experience, either.

I don’t agree with ANUS about everything, but the apparent NEED you have to discredit everything that Prozak and company say about death/black metal is suspicious. Your zeal is suspicious. It suggests that there’s something that gets under your skin, here. What is it, exactly?

Anyway, I’m always willing to talk about music, history, and whatever else, minus the caustic trolling and ego-games. Wouldn’t life be a lot less gay without the trolling and ego-games? Do you think Caesar was in to caustic trolling and ego-games?

Lighting - 23-06-’11 20:16
Lightning

disregard that I suck nigger cocks

Lightning - 23-06-’11 20:30
Stop being so rational and civil!

You didn’t even accuse anyone of having aspergers! You’re doing it wrong!

Stop being so rational and civil! - 23-06-’11 20:56
hipstar

Caesar was fascist scum.

hipstar - 23-06-’11 21:13
a progressive

You see, if I was in power 2000 years ago, …

a progressive - 23-06-’11 21:48
FAGGOT

Opeth – My Arms, Your Arse

FAGGOT - 24-06-’11 01:24
poop

Anus is wrong. Opeth is bad because it’s a metal band doing prog in a really cliche and uninteresting way. No sociological bullshit.

poop - 24-06-’11 02:56
woop

The funniest thing about this site is they aren’t even nihilists. Maybe they were one time, but they got old/soft/grew out of it, whatever you want to call it, and pretended not to. So now they make the occasional reference to “the nihilism of the universe” or somesuch as they espouse run of the mill careerist, society-oriented conservative bull.

woop - 24-06-’11 04:27
serious questioner

So what do you guys think about Sorcery from Sweden? There is also a very obscure German band called Dysentery but can’t figure out yet if it’s grinding hardcore or grindcore, anyone have serious opinions about these bands?

serious questioner - 24-06-’11 06:01
Ryan Dunn

Thank you Lighting for your intelligent comments on this section. Trolls are funny but haters are not, they’re just lame and angry like the guy with no name (coward) fighting Dominating Fucker, he’s just an angry bitch coming here to let us know he doesn’t like the ANUS writings. I’ll say it again, if you dislike this site and want to discredit it, do it in a funny or non-sucky way, otherwise your teen angst will come through as boring and bitchy.

Ryan Dunn - 24-06-’11 06:06
Ryan Dunn

Scratch what I just said. My anus is filled with AIDS.

Ryan Dunn - 24-06-’11 07:29
Ryan Dunn

Thank you Lighting for your intelligent comments on this section. Trolls are funny but haters are not, they’re just lame and angry like the guy with no name (coward) fighting Dominating Fucker, he’s just an angry bitch coming here to let us know he doesn’t like the ANUS writings. I’ll say it again, if you dislike this site and want to discredit it, do it in a funny or non-sucky way, otherwise your teen angst will come through as boring and bitchy.

Ryan Dunn - 24-06-’11 08:15
Ruan Dunn

Scratch what I just said. My anus is filled with AIDS.

Ruan Dunn - 24-06-’11 09:32
Dominated Faggot

I live in Pooland my brain is the size of a pirogi and I have an oedipus complex for my fat babushka of a mother

when I use the toilet after my dad visits my room I make the water look like red borscht

also my name is Juanito Gonzales

Dominated Faggot - 24-06-’11 10:05
Forefather - Summer's Flame

On this day of midsummer I present you with some appropriate metal:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjufQDP_ICE

Forefather - Summer's Flame - 24-06-’11 10:15
poopjokes thinks society is brainwashed

I never clean my toilet. Flushing is painful enough for me. At least let me keep some of the sweet memories! When people visit me and complain I tell them it’s part of my Hindu religion and then they accept it. But deep inside I’d rather tell them the truth and tell them it’s part of my philosophy of poop!

poopjokes thinks society is brainwashed - 24-06-’11 10:21
Hessian4Life

R.I.P. Peter Falk! Another metal hero gone! May he rock on in the afterlife!

Hessian4Life - 24-06-’11 11:27
brUNHILDE FAN #1

LOL YAY GO BRUNHILDE!!!!!

brUNHILDE FAN #1 - 24-06-’11 12:36
Levy_Spearmen

RIP Peter Falk! What was your favorite Columbo episode, guys?

Levy_Spearmen - 24-06-’11 14:08
Dominating Fucker

@ Dominated Faggot

I piss on your mother’s cunt you little coward hipster bitch! Open wide your fun hole it’s time pump your turd upwards, for you it’ll be like a flashback down memory lane bitch! You’re the gay fuckwad that thinks Mastodon is good music, how pathetic you stupid retarded cocksucker go brush your grandmothers rectum! Can’t hide the fact you’re a fucking poser!

Dominating Fucker - 24-06-’11 14:32
Dominated Dweeb's missing self-esteem

Why are you talking to yourself? You realize you’re the Dominated Faggot here, lol. Now piss off, kid, you’re out of your league.

Dominated Dweeb's missing self-esteem - 24-06-’11 14:51
Paint it Black

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6PBp9o_1Zs

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I see a line of cars and they’re all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens every day

I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and must have it painted black
Maybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the facts
It’s not easy facin’ up when your whole world is black

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you

If I look hard enough into the settin’ sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin’ comes

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls go by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

Hmm, hmm, hmm,…

I wanna see it tainted, tainted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it tainted, tainted, tainted, tainted black
Yeah!

Hmm, hmm, hmm,…

Paint it Black - 24-06-’11 15:17
that feel when none of your shit-ass metal or aspie tier classical (lol corelli) will ever surpass this in majesty and beauty

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dK1_vm0FMAU

that feel when none of your shit-ass metal or aspie tier classical (lol corelli) will ever surpass this in majesty and beauty - 24-06-’11 16:17
Adrian loves men

Cool we get these bands suck and are for fags. Can we have some underground metal reviews or links and shit? Or at least some new reviews on shit? That’s how I found out I liked metal from this website, now it’s just gone stagnant going over the same old shit over and over. Opeth sucks, we know. Now can we have some more metal stuff instead of rants?

Adrian loves men - 24-06-’11 18:02
Dominating Fucker

@ Dominated Dweeb’s missing self-esteem

A hipster is just a trendy version of the average modern citizen. These people are disconnected from any sense of hierarchy or values except an ethic of convenience toward personal comfort. When one of these boring ordinary soulless drones feels that he or she is completely forgotten by the world, they come to this blog with their bitchy whining faggot hate. Fuck you Mastodon hipster!

Dominating Fucker - 24-06-’11 18:08
Dum-dum Faggot

lol what’s the matter buddy, a hipster’s fucking the girl you liked for 4 years in school but never spoke to? Awww cheer up big guy, I’m sure once you cut that greasy hair of yours you won’t have such disfiguring acne anymore.

You don’t even know what a hipster is, faggot. Like I said, you’re in way over your head here. Get out.

Dum-dum Faggot - 24-06-’11 18:35
The Hipster who's fucking Dominating Fucker's crush who he has never talked to because he's a raging faggot

Bitch gave me the claps. Whatever, I’m going to see how many PBR cans I can fit in her asshole.

The Hipster who's fucking Dominating Fucker's crush who he has never talked to because he's a raging faggot - 24-06-’11 18:57
Nigger's grab your buckets and buggy in down to the nugget hut, 2 bucks a nugget, 1 buck a bucket

Let me shed some light on this situation…

http://youtu.be/U7mPqycQ0tQ

Nigger's grab your buckets and buggy in down to the nugget hut, 2 bucks a nugget, 1 buck a bucket - 24-06-’11 19:15
DLA classicks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKGYMKZS_50

DLA classicks - 24-06-’11 19:21
Dominating Fucker

I don’t even care for that whore anymore!

Dominating Fucker - 24-06-’11 19:21
Dominating Fucker

@ Dum-dum Faggot
Ok the problem is you’ve down syndrome you fucking cunt. You’re a retard and you’re gay. You should be sterilized, not because you’re a faggot but because you’re and inferior human being. You’re on the wrong website cocksucker, go back to the metal-archives or your favorite gay porn site fucking pansy emo. We understand you don’t like Anus.com so fuck you and fuck your shemale dad.

Get a boyfriend with a larger cock, if the one you already have has a tiny dick like yours and can’t satisfy you, shithead. But don’t come here with your whining teen angst because you’re lame and boring you piece of shit son of bitch! We understand you don’t like metal, you dig hipster fag rock, fuck you asshole! You’re like a whining little bitch with bad taste in music. Prozak rules and underground Metal kicks ass!

Dominating Fucker - 24-06-’11 19:31
lol u mad bro?

^ blah blah blah, with an extra helping of butthurt

lol u mad bro? - 24-06-’11 19:48
Everyday Normal Guy

I wonder what ANUS thinks of cockroaches. Should we exterminate them or try to preserve them? I ask because I am really annoyed by them but I also want to be a conservationist.

Everyday Normal Guy - 24-06-’11 20:02
Lightning

Cockroaches are fine. So are idiots – until they multiply to such a degree that their noise drowns out everything that isn’t stupid.

In my view, it’s not even really a question of extermination. Fantasizing about exterminating the extra baggage of human stupidity is an idle fantasy. I’m more interested in establishing a society that, even if it can’t elevate everyone to Bhodhisattva-genius status, can at least inculcate them with a sense of the goodness of the world (i.e, that it’s exciting, mysterious, and worth preserving instead of effacing) and their own relative placement within it (i.e, humility, dignity… the two go hand in hand).

Lightning - 24-06-’11 21:00
Lightning (Strikes your ass)

Also:

Death metal sounds the way this looks:

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.cc.rim.or.jp/~atsuro/thangka/mahakala.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.cc.rim.or.jp/~atsuro/thangka/Atsuro_thangka.html&usg=__TNV7TKtWTtK-0NntzGiXAL-SbF8=&h=709&w=574&sz=118&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=8vW_LeAl-lhWpM:&tbnh=148&tbnw=120&ei=r10FTs3yKY74sAO9xuWzDQ&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dmahakala%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26biw%3D1366%26bih%3D667%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=127&vpy=262&dur=4635&hovh=250&hovw=202&tx=82&ty=99&page=1&ndsp=26&ved=1t:429,r:8,s:0&biw=1366&bih=667

The deity depicted in this image is a Buddhist deity reseponsible for the preservation of Dharma. I post this because I’d like to point out that this ‘ugly’, busy, ‘angry’ imagery has a positive context in Buddhist religion, and its use is not coincidental… Mahakala is death and time triumphant over all human evils.

I think that, though black/death metal is amateurish and confused by comparison, in essence it strives to convey something similar. A lot of us here at ANUS understand this instinctively. If you don’t see this relationship, it’s because you can’t (and are consequently frustrated/confused by your sense of inadequacy and exclusion), OR it’s because you simply don’t want to acknowledge the connection, because you’re a weird cowardly faggot or you just think it’s gay or whatever.

In the former case, you’re excused, because the reality is that people process art and information differently and do not always arrive at the same conclusions or share the same affinities. If you’re in the second group, you’re psychologically damaged and respond by trying to abuse people who are doing something worthwhile on the internet. That’s fuckin’ heroic.

Lightning (Strikes your ass) - 24-06-’11 21:07
you're welcome

Dude, you broke the internet with that link. You could just post this:

http://www.cc.rim.or.jp/~atsuro/thangka/mahakala.jpg

you're welcome - 24-06-’11 21:35
German Goo Girls

Spam is not appreciated, well fuck your ass

German Goo Girls - 24-06-’11 21:46
GGG

Try playing death metal to a buddhist. I’m pretty sure he won’t see this alleged “connection” either. The connection is purely invented. No one who hasn’t read prozak’s ramblings would ever think of such a thing. Death metal is soulless music about being dark and brewdul and extreme for no reason, it’s pointless enough that anyone can paint it however they want. In the end you can’t quote me a death metal musician who interprets his gay music in the same way you do.

GGG - 24-06-’11 21:47
Levy_Spearmen

Yeah, well we’re nihilists, so fuck your meaning, mahng. Derp dorfud. Dor dooplop. Lobloo.

Levy_Spearmen - 24-06-’11 23:05
Levy_Spearmen

^^ Dorfundo lunderlop nilboob. Eb lol.

Levy_Spearmen - 24-06-’11 23:06
Lightning

Woah, did I fuck up this page with that link?

Oh well. Sorry. I admit it, I’m a noob.

Lightning - 24-06-’11 23:46
daris darison

Looks like we’re having a very heavay, uh, hea-vay bertation tonight

daris darison - 24-06-’11 23:47
Lightning

Woah, did I fuck up this page with that link?

Oh well. Sorry. I admit it, I’m a noob.

@ GGG: Actually, there are a lot of metal musicians who have expressed similar ideas, and take their music seriously as a means of expressing the same basic themes. They don’t all express themselves in a very articulate way, but that’s not the point. In fact, that’s part of the charm – the point is that it’s organic, and spontaneous. It’s young, amateurish, sometimes confused, half-serious, but has a distinct direction in which it points. Why are you trying so hard to convince us otherwise?

Lightning - 24-06-’11 23:50
Lightning

Beertation.

:: insert churlish laughter here ::

Lightning - 24-06-’11 23:51
back in 2004 the guitarist of Skinless sold me a Mastodon - Leviathan CD and told me it was the best band ever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=labytsb3gfI

WHITE
WHALE
HOLY
GRAIL

back in 2004 the guitarist of Skinless sold me a Mastodon - Leviathan CD and told me it was the best band ever - 25-06-’11 00:56
@GGG

We’re just going in circles here…
“ go read any old Morbid Angel, Profanatica, Necrovore, or Mayhem interview.”

@GGG - 25-06-’11 01:16
poop

“Try playing death metal to a buddhist. I’m pretty sure he won’t see this alleged “connection” either.”

Lol. I like how white entitled nerds use buddhism as some shorthand for grand enlightenment. If it’s foreign there must be nothing wrong with it, right?

poop - 25-06-’11 02:40
a random guy who doesn't like anus

“Lighting”, I think you’re obviously pretty thoughtful and are making some good points. But the way the articles here are written is only going to attract people like the loudmouths/quasi-trolls you’re debating.

I just don’t think anyone’s ever going to leave one of these comment sections with a better understanding of the flaws or merits of death metal.

a random guy who doesn't like anus - 25-06-’11 02:45
brutal slayer of christians, noble hessian warrior of death

Skinless, I fucking hate those wiggers so much. Back in 2007, this girl I really liked went to a show where they played and ended up making out with the lead singer. FUCK YOU JASON AND FUCK YOUR SHITTY BAND.

brutal slayer of christians, noble hessian warrior of death - 25-06-’11 03:51
GGG

@ poop

Uh, I was only talking about Buddhism cause the other guy brought it up, dipshit. Actually, I had this passage typed up but the gay ass filter here had some fit over it, trying again:

Also, Buddhism is gay and inferior to Western culture. What great learning have Buddhists, in all their thousands of years of meditation produced, in comparison to the last 100 years of Western science? Instead of finding excuses to justify gay music I’d rather listen to good music which is already in touch with the valid truths that are universally acknowledged.

GGG - 25-06-’11 05:09
GGG

Please specifically quote me a death metal musician saying that. It’s always “yeah we tried to be more brutal than Bathory, mayng”. This perception you have of death metal, something entirely recreational and even more ideologically vacuous than punk, is entirely false.

GGG - 25-06-’11 05:11
GGG is easy to troll

8========>

GGG is easy to troll - 25-06-’11 05:14
TRUE HARDCORE FAN

Here are some hardcore tracks for Negruvoda. THIS IS REAL AGGRESSIVE MUSIC, NOT PUSSY ASS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE GROWL METAL DOGSHIT:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUFIJVbo6MQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2Y73s6xVNA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2M4WGc9qSto

TRUE HARDCORE FAN - 25-06-’11 05:53
A Call For Blood

The Irate one was kind of dope, the last one was melodic metalcore gayness though despite the decent vocals. Here’s two of my favourites combind into one, pretty valid message for this site:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvddEKuDxJ0

A Call For Blood - 25-06-’11 06:12
8==>

Why is Asia so much better at metal than Europe? Sigh’s Scorn Defeat is the best black metal album of the 90s. Even that shithead Euronymous realized how good it was.

8==> - 25-06-’11 06:43
Dominating Fucker

@ GGG

Silence, you retarded sub-human parasite. Behold the grandeur of my cock, bow down to it in awe, agape… prepare to suck it.

Just like your fucking junkie mother does!!

Dominating Fucker - 25-06-’11 07:18
do your parents know you're gay yet?

lol good one bro

do your parents know you're gay yet? - 25-06-’11 07:27
Truth - rename Polen to

Pooland is a nation of subhumans that should be divided between Germany, Austria and Russia. Just like the old days.

Truth - rename Polen to "Greater Kaliningrad" - 25-06-’11 07:28
Bomb Dresden Again

Germany is a nation of subhumans that lost two world wars and is now turning into Little Turkey. At least Poland is still mostly Polish.

Bomb Dresden Again - 25-06-’11 08:07
so prozak

what totally edgy and contrarian opinion do you have against gay marriage in New York?

so prozak - 25-06-’11 09:20
herp

LOL @ people actually thinking that Mastadon is worthwhile music.

herp - 25-06-’11 11:29
derp

LOL @ people who don’t.

derp - 25-06-’11 17:22
Lightning

For the record, I’m not really that impressed by most schools of Buddhist thought. The point isn’t to give metal credibility by comparing it to Buddhism in particular, but to simply demonstrate that there’s a precedent for the use of this kind of “ugly, dark, aggressive” content in a way that is essentially positive. In that sense, it parallels ‘negative’ spiritual symbolism in Buddhism, Hindu, etc. How many metal bands have borrowed the imagery of Kali, for instance? It’s not a coincidence – the artistic form supports this kind of content.

Again – you can argue that this is gay. You can argue that Buddhism is gay, and that metal is gay, and that everything except for your trite set of hobbies is gay. What you can’t do, however, is argue that these artforms are motivated at least partially by certain impulses. You keep saying that metal bands are just dumb kids trying to be “dark” – well, why? Why darkness? Why all the elaborate dark imagery? Why the constant references to H.P Lovecraft literature, the references to mythology, and so on? Why the fascination with cheesy sword and sorcery? What kind of value does this imagery have to people?

I anticipate your response: “LOL GAY MALLTRASH ESCAPISM CANT GET LAID”, but this doesn’t mean anything. You could attribute those motivations to almost any human activity under the sun.

I realize I’m not going to convince you, GGG, or Negruvoda or whomever you are. You don’t WANT to be convinced, because you’re some kind of troubled loser who doesn’t understand why truth is better than falsehood. But the object here is just to illustrate the hollowness of your arguments for other readers.

Lightning - 25-06-’11 18:04
burp

Have you watched Mastodon live? They can bore you to death even if you kinda like the albums. Yep, probably because they have shitty songs.

burp - 25-06-’11 18:13
twerp

Have you watched Burzum live? Oh wait….you can’t because Varg sucks at guitar and he’s too much of a puss to play live. Yep, probably because he has shitty songs.

twerp - 25-06-’11 19:20
twerp

Disregard that, I love listening to Hvis Lyset Tar Oss while I get monster cocked by niggers dressed as Vikings.

twerp - 25-06-’11 19:54
twerp

^ as all Burzum listeners do.

twerp - 25-06-’11 23:32
@Some black metal landwhale ('twas a she) told me that Children of...

tl;dr

@Some black metal landwhale ('twas a she) told me that Children of... - 25-06-’11 23:41
oh lightning

it hurts to see smart people get trolled :(

oh lightning - 25-06-’11 23:45
fffff

Negru_whatever is some sort of career troll btw, and I’ve seen a serious positive review of his analyzing Autopsy’s Mental Funeral, among other things.

fffff - 25-06-’11 23:46
NegruVoda

My only career is to suck cocks, 2 big or 3 or 4 small at a time.

NegruVoda - 25-06-’11 23:56
NegruVoda

your 100% metal forum, btw, is full of 100% faggots

NegruVoda - 25-06-’11 23:59
Keep your butthole stuffed!

Keep your metal true!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSMZkF8JDuk

Keep your butthole stuffed! - 26-06-’11 03:26
literally

Lady Gaga is more pure, hessian music than metal because she promotes anti-individualistic messages, thus redirecting energies to building society and conserving worthy ideals for future generations

Lady Gaga is more pure, hessian music than metal because she promotes anti-individualistic messages, thus redirecting energies to building society and conserving worthy ideals for future generations

Lady Gaga is more pure, hessian music than metal because she promotes anti-individualistic messages, thus redirecting energies to building society and conserving worthy ideals for future generations

Lady Gaga is more pure, hessian music than metal because she promotes anti-individualistic messages, thus redirecting energies to building society and conserving worthy ideals for future generations

Lady Gaga is more pure, hessian music than metal because she promotes anti-individualistic messages, thus redirecting energies to building society and conserving worthy ideals for future generations

Lady Gaga is more pure, hessian music than metal because she promotes anti-individualistic messages, thus redirecting energies to building society and conserving worthy ideals for future generations

Lady Gaga is more pure, hessian music than metal because she promotes anti-individualistic messages, thus redirecting energies to building society and conserving worthy ideals for future generations

Lady Gaga is more pure, hessian music than metal because she promotes anti-individualistic messages, thus redirecting energies to building society and conserving worthy ideals for future generations

Lady Gaga is more pure, hessian music than metal because she promotes anti-individualistic messages, thus redirecting energies to building society and conserving worthy ideals for future generations

literally - 26-06-’11 05:15
Jenny

@ twerp – 25 06 11 – 19:20

A Mastodon/hipster cocksucker on the wrong website. You don’t like Burzum?
That’s fine with all Hessians at this site. You like Mastodon? That’s fine with all hipsters at other
sites however faggoty. Question is: if hessians are hessians and hipsters are hipsters,
and no one can change that, what the fuck are you doing on this site? It seems to me like you envy or
despise the fact that we uphold some metal music as something as relevant as life itself! You and me will
be 70 years old and Burzum will still be selling records to young metalheads, let’s see if Mastodon can
do the same.
old a

Jenny - 26-06-’11 06:03
impulse202

“Hipster” is a term co-opted for use as a meaningless pejorative in order to vaguely call someone else’s authenticity into question and, by extension, claim authenticity for yourself. It serves no conversational function and imparts no information, save for indicating the opinions and preferences of the speaker. Meanwhile, a market myth has sprung up around the term, as well as a cultural bogeyman consisting of elusive white 20-somethings who wear certain clothes (but no one will agree on what), listen to certain music (no one can agree on this either), and act a certain way (you’ve probably sensed the pattern on your own). Suffice it to say, no one self-identifies as a hipster; the term is always applied to an Other, to separate the authentic Us from the inauthentic, “ironic” Them.

You can’t define what “that kind of behavior or fashion or lifestyle” actually is, nor will you ever be able to. That’s because you don’t use “hipster” to describe an actual group of people, but to describe a fictional stereotype that is an outlet for literally anything that annoys you. The twist, of course, is that if it weren’t for your own insecurities, nothing that a “hipster” could do or wear would ever affect you emotionally. But you are insecure about your own authenticity – “Do I wear what I wear because I want to? Do I listen to my music because I truly like it? I’m certainly not like those filthy hipsters!”

impulse202 - 26-06-’11 06:55
HYAKUGOJYUUICHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/pika

HYAKUGOJYUUICHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - 26-06-’11 09:11
Lightning

@impulse202

That’s partially correct. You’re right about the self-serving, disingenuous use of the term ‘hipster’. You’re wrong, however, about whether or not hipsters exist objectively. The hipster isn’t a specific group of people in our society identifiable by their taste in music or their manner of dress. Hipsterism is actually a universal phenomena afflicting all cultures and sub-cultures. To put it most simply, the hipster is someone who appreciates things solely on the basis of their status as a social token – for the hipster, nothing has inherent value or beauty that isn’t determined by its placement on an imaginary socially derived hierarchy of values.

What this means is that it’s completely possible for a hipster to posture as a ‘Hessian’, and it’s also possible for someone to listen to Mastodon without being a hipster. I acknowledge that it is completely possible for a person to have an earnest love of Mastodon. And no matter how gay I think Mastodon is (pretty fucking gay, pretty fucking bad, with virtually no redeeming value), the earnest Mastodon fan is much less repellent than someone who appropriates all the things that I love, for all the wrong reasons.

Lightning - 26-06-’11 16:43
Dominating Fucker

@Lightning
Glad to see you around Bret! I hope you stay and write reviews for the DLA, like Rico said and Devamitra suggests,
there are still worth a while bands that could be noted on this site.

Dominating Fucker - 26-06-’11 16:54
Parnassian

These comments are an insult to homosexuals.

Parnassian - 26-06-’11 18:21
pic related

Mastodon is awesome, if you don’t think Blood and Thunder is a good metal song you are a serious faggot and a hypocrite. Get the dildo out of your ass next time you listen to it and approach it with a clear mind. DURRRHUR BUT THE AESTHETICS OF THE VIDEO ARENT BLACK AND WHITE AND THERES NO CAPES AND HE DOESNT MAKE ANY DRAMATIC GAY GESTICULATIONS AT THE SKY

http://www.thedevilsdemons.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/bloodthunder.png

Dumb Faggot, shut the fuck up kid.

pic related - 26-06-’11 20:23
dick related

Fuck off fag.

dick related - 26-06-’11 20:29
headbanging causes brain damage

this is you:

http://tinyurl.com/6gx8sx7

headbanging causes brain damage - 26-06-’11 21:58
@Jenny

Dumb bitch, Mastodon is still selling more albums than the whole Burzum discography.

@Jenny - 27-06-’11 05:34
fuck off now bitch

^ And Lady Gaga is selling many more than Mastodon, faggot.

fuck off now bitch - 27-06-’11 06:54
@Jenny (I'm not a fag

Yeah but a gaG is a pop artist. Mastodon is not pop. They’re not even hipster. Their fans may be but they have old-school metalheads as fans too. Nice try.

@Jenny (I'm not a fag - 27-06-’11 07:46
Fruity MetalFly

Is metal for homosexuals? I dunno, lots of cock sucking here on this metal site, so I guess it’s ok, right? Help me out guys. Is Gaahl really mediocre scum because he sat on the king of hell’s infernal dick, or because he wrote some of the more inferior gorgoroth songs? does sucking cocks mean you’re a failure of nature, incapable of all this intuiting of metal as great art?

Fruity MetalFly - 27-06-’11 08:49
re burzum vs. mastodon

well, now Burzum are shit too, according to anus.

umm, for some reason

certainly not over petty internet domain drama. NOSIREE

re burzum vs. mastodon - 27-06-’11 09:47
hipster

Burzum vs. Mastodon? There should be an online poll seeing which band is better.

hipster - 27-06-’11 10:50
shove a poll up your ass

Die hipster.

shove a poll up your ass - 27-06-’11 10:57
hipster

I’ll shove your poll up there fag ;)

hipster - 27-06-’11 11:10
@hipster

Yeah, the one that gets fewer votes is better.

@hipster - 27-06-’11 11:46
hipster

Mastodon is better then. :) I expect them to lose with kvlt dork fags out there.

hipster - 27-06-’11 12:14
cheap bras

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cheap bras (Email ) (URL) - 03-01-’12 21:43
Metal

>wow SO much better than order from chaos’s version!!! party ova here yall!!!

The funny thing is you thought you were being sarcastic, but it’s actually true. That song rules, OFC is a noisy clusterfuck that no one in their right mind would rather listen to.

Metal - 02-04-’12 10:42


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