From the classifieds

04 06 11 - 13:02


HOMOSEXUAL-THEMED PUNK BAND seeks guitarist and drummer

Bassist and rhythm guitarist seek second guitarist and
drummer for punk band heavily influenced by DISCHARGE
and ASSUCK. Must be reliable, no hard drugs, no police
records (we want to tour). Band name is
ASSCHARGE. Contact us Box 211



OLD SCHOOL DEATH METAL BAND seeks chumps

Hey you, remember when death metal was huge?
So do we! We bought the same gear, have the
classic sound, and we write songs like drug
addled teenagers. If nostalgia has you by the
balls, call us. Box 644.



BREADMAKER FOR SALE

If you remember the trends of the past, you know
these were hot little items in the late 1990s. Everyone
I know had one. Now I've got them all. Make an offer...
any offer. Box 665.

26 comments

Brett Stevens

I’m a homosexual punk!!! I’ll join ASSCHARGE, and will also act as an anal slut so the guys don’t miss their boyfriends on tour.

Brett Stevens - 04-06-’11 13:36
Steven Seagal

As the sheriff deputy assistant, I’m arresting you, gay punk.
Oh and you’re invited to my show tonight.

Steven Seagal - 04-06-’11 13:44
Shaniqua

Why ya arrestin’ mah dad yo? Watcha think you’re doin’ with dat crack dawg ? Where yo takin’ mah KFC yo ? Oh c’mon fuck ya cops, fuck y’all..

Shaniqua (Email ) - 04-06-’11 13:57
Trailer 88

They tuk err jubs!

Trailer 88 (Email ) - 04-06-’11 14:06
Achilles

Man seeking man for heroic anal. I have a small penis but I can take a centaurs cock! Do you have a big cock? Do you like adventure? Check out my profile picture at http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/cf/Leon_Benouville_The_Wrath_of_Achilles.jpg
I’m sitting on a bed sheet because I can’t stop my ass from leaking. Is your cock big enough to fill my giant hole? Get in touch! Box 069.

Achilles - 04-06-’11 14:41
Macho Metal Man

What metal makes you “raise your meat sword”?

I was listening to Blind Guardian, it’s the most homoerotic music I think I may have ever heard. Opinions obviously will vary (and that’s totally cool cuz music can’t be right or wrong you elitist nazis lol) which is why I ask you what you put on that gets you off your fat, saggy ass, out the door, ready to to suck some cock in a public toilet? I was thinking of purchasing a dildo for not only a sex toy, but for symbolic value so whenever I have low self-esteem cuz I got beaten up at school, and need something to get me erect, I will RAISE MY DILDO!

Macho Metal Man - 04-06-’11 15:20
Former ANUS fan

Nothing is sacred….

Former ANUS fan - 04-06-’11 16:29
NWOBHM is underrated

Just the dildo that first popped out of my ass! Greetz!

NWOBHM is underrated - 04-06-’11 16:31
Hessisexual

Any one want to get hot naked and sweaty and engage in a sexy METAL LISTENING SESSION?

Hessisexual - 04-06-’11 16:32
THUNDEROUS homosexual

Want to play with my anus while listening to KRAFTWERK?

THUNDEROUS homosexual - 04-06-’11 17:24
Poet

Scabs on my penis
From masturbating to hard
I should have used cream
But now that moment is lost
Shall I peel, from my cock,
The scabs, that might shock
The sights of a lady so fair
As my darling, in the fresh summer air.

Poet - 04-06-’11 17:27
ANUS reader

How do you deal with ‘normals’? I tried talking to them about the compositional structure of Burzum, plus showed off my collection of ceramic dildos, but a girl still won’t let me touch her.

ANUS reader - 04-06-’11 17:47
Levy_Spearmen

All is lost for us actually. Just start killing.

Levy_Spearmen - 04-06-’11 18:05
Levy_Saviour

LEVY LET ME HELP YOU!!!!!

I CAN HEAR YOUR SOUL CRY OUT IN NEED@!

THEIR IS STILL HOPE!!!!

i love you.

Levy_Saviour - 04-06-’11 18:07
poop prophet

And on the 7th day, our lord came forth unto the earth, and said unto us,

“Let the poop come naturally”

So saith I unto you my children, let the poop come naturally, as is declared by our lord.

poop prophet - 04-06-’11 18:09
gay-activist

i bet all of you pseudo-faggots don’t really mean it when you repeatedly on this here blog claim to love cock. youre all not really gay. teasers that’s all you are. you’re all hipsters of cock. posers. you can’t understand homosexuality because you view it ironically. hipsters of cock.

gay-activist - 04-06-’11 18:51
SuperFucked'n'Crunk

I am so a real fag!! I love cock!! It was the Burzum album ‘Belus‘ that helped me come to terms with my sexual orientation. The homoerotic composition connected with my being – and my cock as I grew a huge erection. I knew what to do. I went to the park after dark and saw a cute Asian guy, 2 minutes later his balls were resting on my chin…

Belus was ok, but now I realize the best music for homo fags is Blind Guardian, Soulja Boy and the new Morbid Angel album. I also understand, God is just an illusion, diversity is strength, and all choices in life are equally valid.

SuperFucked'n'Crunk - 04-06-’11 19:22
Chef Mcgoo

If you pierce a scrotum with a switch blade, red jelly-like fluid will ooze out. If you pour such liquid goo into a frying pan and cook it for five minutes, add salt and pepper. Serve in the morning accompanied by a glass of orange juice and french toast.

Chef Mcgoo - 04-06-’11 21:02
Levy_Sockpuppet

Use graciously

Levy_Sockpuppet - 04-06-’11 22:45
przk

Production: Full, thick, oblique.

Review: Much like the early works of black metal, this album defines itself by inducing a dreamlike state through repetition and gentle variation within patterns, much like erosion of undiscovered mountains and forgotten beaches.

przk - 05-06-’11 01:34
Cockosaurus Rex

lol… trolls have even taken over the actual anus blog now.

Keep on cocking, bros.

Cockosaurus Rex - 05-06-’11 06:47
Jose Mangin of SeriusXM

If you love dick or at least lodging large cumbersome objects in your rectum like I do, they you’ll love the bands Periphery and the Human Abstract…

Jose Mangin of SeriusXM (Email ) - 05-06-’11 16:03
Dishcharge

Bread makers are for fucking pussies. Real men bake artisan breads in convection ovens and serve them to guests while listening to Bolt Thrower.

Dishcharge - 05-06-’11 16:07
URGH

@ANUS reader Have you tried bludgeoning her with one of said ceramic dildos? That usually does the trick for me.

URGH - 06-06-’11 06:33
Adolf Hitler

I bake jews in my oven.

Adolf Hitler - 06-06-’11 07:40
Levy_Spearmen

FUCK YOU!

Levy_Spearmen - 06-06-’11 08:52


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