The Joy Of BlinkieFests
by Captain Crapp/Vile Scent
an ANUS production

First, I would like to say that blinkie running, and blinkie
fests, are not enjoyed by everyone, and that there is often
a reason why people don't enjoy them.  Some people are just
not as psychotic as the rest of us.  This doesn't mean that
they're wimps, but I wouldn't bring them on something like a
blinkie run as they are liable to screw up.  Not that a
blinkie run is a strenuous activity, but some people aren't
made to do it.

The Art Of Blinkie Running

If you haven't read my previous text file on the art of
blinkie running, I suggest that you get it.  It's up on TURD
and some of the more flagrantly psychotic AE's around, so
it's not that hard to find.  But I'll review it because I
want to waste copy buffer space:

A blinkie is a night time safety flasher, usually found near
or on construction, and an interesting conversation piece.
Also, they're fun to steal.

A pig is a law enforcement officer on duty.

Bacon Bits are pigs off duty, usually as paid security

Baco-Bits are fake pigs off duty; basically, they are just
dumbass security people.

A blinkie run is the act of stealing a blinkie.

A blinkie fuck is a fucked-up blinkie run.

The idea in a paragraph -

Scan the site the day or night before.  Bring a car, blinkie
tool (19 mm or 3/4 inch socket wrench) and a straightened
paperclip.  If the blinkies have little holes in them, poke
the clip into the hole and push.  This should shut it down,
but if it doesn't, just toss the blinkies into a large,
thick bag and throw it in your car.  Never do anything in a
car except arrive, load blinkies in, and leave.  You can
always escape on foot, but never in a car.  Don't break a
law during the run except actually stealing blinkies.  This
is all simple, easy stuff.  No sweat.

Blinkie Fest

The Blinkie Fest is a new form of entertainment gaining
popularity because of its versatility and appeal to both
sexes (who wants to get sweaty with a bunch of members of
the same sex?  c'mon).  In a nutshell, the blinkieFest is
sort of a modified scavenger hunt, except you usually only
hunt for one thing: blinkies.  There are three steps to
setting one up: recruitment, preparation, and the actual


This is a good sort of thing to take your friends to some
Friday night, mid-school year, when everyone's pretty bored
with doing the same old shit each weekend, and there's a
temporary beer drought.  You need about three people plus a
driver per car, and how many people you have come determines
the number of cars you have (duhh).  These people will need
one or two blinkie tools per car, and probably some
pillowcases or other shit for anything else they pick up if
they get bored with blinkies.

People to get:

Reliable friends
Drunk chicks
Pyschotic friends

People to avoid:

Skeeve the Magician
Acid Heads
People who cringe when they do over 35 MPH

Drivers need to be sober, of legal age and have cars in good
shape.  Cars to get are simple, old and usually non-descript
Japanese or domestic vehicles.  Avoid dad's BMW or your own
flashy vehicle, since the pigs just LOVE to hassle you.


Divide people up by cars, four to each vehicle, including
driver.  Make sure each car has at least two blinkie tools
and several sacks to hide stolen stuff in, plus a place to
hide it in the car.  Also, make sure beer, guns, knives an
fireworks are well hidden.  If you want, a pair of
walkie-talkies per vehicle is good, because that way you can
have a lookout for really decent thieving.

Everyone must have an excuse for staying out late.  It's
easy -  if your parents are conservative buttheads who freak
when you're out later than midnight, "spend the night" at a
friend's house.  Pick someone they trust to lie for you.
Works every time.  It's usually not a problem, though.


Now, take your friends, divide them up among the cars, and
head out.  I suggest giving each a point chart, such as the

Cones          10
Red Blinkie    25
Blue Blinkie   40
Stop Sign      50
Police Car    300
Yellow Blinkie 20
Dip Sign       60
No Parking     50
Walk Light    100
Century 21     50
Road Sign      50
Stop Light    300
License Plate  90

These make it all the more fun.  Arrange for a rendezvous at
about six the next morning at a safe location (alley,
church) where the cars will meet up and count what has been
thieved.  Since there is ofte more stuff stolen than can be
held per car, it's also good to have a friend's house where
stuff can be dumped, or a parked car, or something of the

Have fun - and remember the ANUS golden rule:  If it's not
nailed down, it's free!

Captain Crapp


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