The Facts About ANUS
by Captain Crapp

     The American Nihilist Underground Society is an
organization that applies the philosophy of nihilism to the
Houston modem arena.  Since most of Houston's boards and
users are completely worthless and cause prolonged and
violent vomiting on contact, ANUS was formed one night in an
alcoholic haze by myself and two other resourceful
individuals to combat this growing trend of mediocrity in
     ANUS recognizes the following facts about modeming and
     (1)  There is no basis for knowledge or truth over
phone lines.  Nor is there any application of the rights
guaranteed in the first ten amendments to the U.S.
Constitution.  Also, most Houston sysops wouldn't recognize
the truth or a truthful user if one came up and bit them on
the ass.  Many of them participate in active disinformation
campaigns, and fabricate stories to keep their users in a
near-catatonic state of blind acceptance.  Doubtless Big
Brother would have had a Tequila Festival over this

     (2)  Nihilism also calls for a rejection of customary
beliefs.  ANUS rejects the following beliefs: (a) you can
judge a user as bad/good beforehand on basis of age, race or
religious beliefs, (b) any user with an open mind is an evil
user, (c) Southwestern Bell is our friend, (d) obscenity is
evil, (e) anyone who listens to music with distortion or
isn't a Southern Baptist Lobotomite (SBL) is also evil, (f)
having a penis is a bad thing.  ANUS also unilaterally
rejects the idea that another GBBS board is a good thing to
have around.

     (3)  Currently, there is no purpose or direction at all
to having and using a modem in Houston, especially if you
call any Apple boards.  Sysops are either just idiots, or
too restrictive or too paranoid.  ANUS is aiming to change
this, but currently we have a few suggestions for
"responsible modem use":  (a) doorstop, (b) micro-waveable
plate, (c) nightime bedwarmer, (d) portable sperm bank, (e)
frame it and hang it in the bathroom, and (f) have a good
game of frisbee with it.

     In the grand tradition of nihilists past, ANUS believes
in the use of any means possible to obtain objectives,
whether considered moral and right by Houston's sysops or
not.  Basically, since most of these people have nothing to
say, there is no point in listening to them.

     ANUS would also like to make another point - the
definition of a munchkin, or "munchie" as used in local
slang. See also "m0e."

munchie, n, (muunchee) - a user who consistently attempts
harm, ill will or stupidity on a bulletin board system.
These people are usually inexperienced, but occasionally you
will actually find one who just likes to try and destroy
something good, open-minded, and unconventional.
Onfortunately, Houston is filled to overflowing with both

munch, v, (muunch) - to commit acts cognizant of a munchie
(see munchie) or to do something incredibly stupid or
immature.  See also Skeeve-0.

     However, Houston sysops have interpreted the above
definitions to mean any user with either opinions differing
from those of the sysop, or a mind that is more open the the
sysop's in addition to the two classical definitions above.
In essence, anyone the sysop doesn't like or wants to pick
on is automatically termed a "munchie."  ANUS prefers the
more enlightened definitions of "gremlin" and "loser," since
these are more descriptive and let you know if the guy is
malicious or just stupid.

To show our defiance of Houston's sysop-cliches and their
accompanying useless organizations and propaganda, we set up
a board dedicated to being offensive and supportive of free
speech and other forgotten rights.  Numerous births of cows
were reported among individuals branded with large "L"'s on
their forehead ("losers").  Houston sysops banned our ads.
But, as a result, Houston's modem community grouped itself
into an organization separating the conservative idiots
("buttheads") from the rest of us.  Needless to say, we're
quaking in our boots, since we really don't need or care
about their organization or their boards, so we're content
to watch them make fools of themselves.

In the meantime, ANUS has a bevy of ongoing projects
guaranteed to make modeming in Houston at least more
interesting than it used to be, and hopefully more

If you are interested in becoming an ANUS member, get into
contact with Chromatic Death or Captain Crapp/Crude on a
decent Houston board.  Chances are we'll be there.

Captain Crapp


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