"In life all things are ambiguous from the lack of reason why for being, only that we are and we have a necessity to continue, to endure, in the style of life reaching for ambition and not the coldness of death. But death is what must come to this world based on the bastardized needs of humanity elevated to crises of spiritual consequence in all of the overwrought, falsely-emotional politic of human grandstanding for power and definitive context. None of us seem to have realized that our world could change as we can dream it, and that if our desires led to meaningful ends instead of the same mundane consumption that drives us into the slavery of our fearful twitching herd, we could spend our lives empowered and not forever reacting in some aspiration to power, controlled by our emotions as we lash out or dive into the comforting fold of static death, the aging stillness and cyclic emotional battering that leads to numbness, conformity, and a zero valuation of our existence. We do not need redemption from the nothingness of sin or degradation but from the things we have, the civilization that we have made exist to make us serve."
I bring death metal to the radio because they need someone to twist the dials. Death metal is more important than life, and if you drown out the voices of the needy and fearful around you and within you, you can understand that oftentimes the music on the stereo is more important than the conditions of life to be imposed upon you. Death metal defies duty, control, hierarchy, and human "logic," which brings me strength as I witness these stupidities daily crushing human life.
We are about death, but death is about life.
Nihilism is the valueless, atonal, meaningless state of existence we all seem to fear, yet we live within it by adhering to illusion and fearing our dreams. The reason why is not to ask the question, but to believe in life as a space in which we could accomplish the dreams we now cherish in prenatal addiction. We fear our desires, but if we were to act them out we would find the emptiness of inculcated illusion, and would have to look behind the image of desire for the meaning of the transmission from within. Were we to accept that nihilism only affirms existence by removing hierarchy in anarchic distribution, we could see that anywhere there is a universe, and in each grain of sand a new mapping of the heavens.
As this needs explanation, let me say this: in our lives, there are many pretensions and perceptions of human beings which through language, social behavior, symbolism and concept shape reality in our heads. Nihilism (as I use the word) is to strip away all of these things and to come close to seeing reality as it really is. Drugs can't help, sex can't help, and killing can't help, but all of these things give you a glimpse of what it is to get close to the zero. Meditation and discipline alone bring this perceptive starting point into your life for the long haul, and it is only a starting point. A gateway. When nihilism has reduced all value, etc. to nothingness, value instantly springs up, because nature hates a vacuum and will fill it with something significance before the Nothingness closes in. Our society fears nihilism for the same reason it thinks it needs morality; both concepts are false. Embrace nothingness and you will find the somethingness you have pursued all along.
To find out what really drives humanity, we have to look underneath the level of firm grounding humans have in justification and task definition as substitutes for impetus. We are so conditioned to react, respond, reply to an overload of information and control-oriented demands that very few of us have any real "will" or independent motion of any sort.
In the subconscious mind, symbols appear as what they are: real, in the sense that humans use them to "stand for" life and thus replace it. People work all day to avoid the difficult questions about spending their time they'd have if the time was theirs to spend: how do you plan for a life whose future you cannot see? There are comforting answers in strong authority, material objects, sensuality, intoxication and entertainment, but the easy and gritless answers are never what solve the problem - only what hide it.
What lurks in our desires leads to our unearthly reward; where we aspire we can go, and where we can dream we can sense a future, to write the next chapter of our individual books or the book of our world, the chronicle of our species in its rush to extinction.
Some things in this world interrupt pain: people acting alive, art, subversion, love, drugs, and abstract thought. People and the artifacts of their thought process can interrupt the drudge enslavement of a day job for not levity or relaxation but an internal process similar to the externalization of desire, hope.
Here are some things that have kept me alive.
Postscript: Well, there is none. Read this for whatever it's worth and send me your thoughts if it inspires you. Negative responses without useful criticism are boring.
Copyright © 1996-2010 Spinoza Ray Prozak