National Lowered Standards Day (August 4)

We propose a Federal holiday to celebrate a lowest common denominator state of mind. Lower your standards:

Don't clean up your house or yourself.
Install appliances incorrectly and watch houses burn down.
Make sure you don't waste time studying or working hard.
Assemble cars the wrong way and watch them crash.
Laundry? Who needs it. Ditto anything but convenient dysfunction.
Watch TV, eat garbage and loaf.

Text message your senators and half-heartedly demand this new holiday. It's about time. We've been killing productivity, celebrating the mediocre, norming to minimum standards, praising ourselves for trivial accomplishments and happily ignoring the world around us for years. Now we need to make it official.

Our slogan is "Good enough is the best it gets!" Celebrate our decline as a civilization to third world levels of corruption, incompetence, oblivion, apathy, laziness, intoxication, criminality, disease and suffering. We just don't want to get our act together. It's too inconvenient. We want the easy life. So lower your standards and join us -- we are the (immediate) future!