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Immortal ( ) - Pure Holocaust
When I was in the record store and first saw this CD, I almost fainted away. All the blood drained from my face. My knees were weak and I was in a cold sweat. I almost dropped my Torah! But when I was gettin' baked at a friend's house later, he put the CD on and told me what it was afterwards. It's pretty good, in fact better than almost all black metal I've heard, but I recommend Jews avoid it because of the title.
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Meshuggah ( ) - Destroy, Erase, Improve
I was really glad to see a title in Yiddish in the metal rack. After all, Jews are represented well in industry, finance, entertainment and rock-n-roll (Josh Groban is my hero) but not very well in metal because of Jew-hatin' goyim taking their Slayer t-shirts too seriously! But here is really a great product. Meshuggah take the same five chords and make them into songs like cupcakes, with great icy and a lot of bread in the middle. It's a triumph of marketing in the metal scene.
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Melechesh ( ) - The Siege of Lachish
This is mindblowing aggression and fully exploded intellect at work. Although this band claim to follow the Assyrian tradition, they are full-blooded Ashkenazi Jews who put out some of the most beautiful and intricate metal ever created without losing its savage edge. Totally mind-melting fast and furious assault! Get this or die! Kvlt!
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Salem ( ) - Collective Demise
This band is so rare I had to get my copy off of eBay, but I fooled the guy into thinking I paid him more than I did with some complicated paypal transactions, so I got it for $13. A proud Jew never pays retail! This is the oldest black metal band there is, before even Mayhem (who are mean, awful, anti-Semitic racists). It's dark and slow but very heavy, so heavy you can feel it in your feet. Not for the weak! Buy or be gay for the rest of your puny teenage life!
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Opeth ( ) - Morningrise
I don't know if there are any Jews in this band, but half of the band members have names ending in "berg" so it's a safe assumption Judaism is connected somewhere. This stuff is great. They've thrown everything, from female vocals to pianos to acoustic guitars and progressive rock guitar playing, into the mix and made some really sentimental death metal. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll come back for more!
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Obtained Enslavement ( ) - Soulblight
These boys from Israel (now living in Norway) were very smart. They waited until the Norwegian scene had worn itself out, and then gathered up the pieces and made metal from it! This reminds me a lot of Tori Amos if she were having a bad day. Beautiful keyboards and soft guitar lines suddenly blast off into total thrashing chaos. This is like Emperor, without the annoying and boring Nordic tendencies, because we all know how boring Northern Europe is.
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Burzum ( ) - Filosofem
There is always someone praising this band even though Count Grishnack is a Holocaust Denier, racist, anti-Semite and bigot. Can someone tell me why? I mean, it sounds like he recorded it in a prison bathroom, the cover is moronic "folk art," and he can't even keep his guitar in tune. Not to mention that it's stupid for any Nazi to make blues-based music like this (very bluesy!) because Africans invented the blues. It's totally discoordinated. He can barely play his instruments, his voice is horrible, and his mother takes care of him. What a wimp! Wouldn't last two minutes against my Krav-Maga instructor. Sometimes this music makes me cry, or scream, uncontrollably but I think it's the bad production.
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Pantera ( ) - Live
Althoug he is a bisexual, Philip Anselmowitz is my favorite Jewish boy in metal right now. His angry voice punches along with these tunes and really gets your fist going in the air! Next time we raid the Arab shantytowns near the border, I'm going to have the boys bring this live recording. It has great attitude and spirit and the music is pretty good too.
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